This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great
force.
            -- Dorothy Parker

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
            -- Arthur Miller

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
            -- Vince Lombardi

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
            -- W. Somerset Maugham

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the
wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
            -- Elbert Hubbard

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people
like that!
            -- Tom Lehrer

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.
            -- Margaret Millar

Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
            -- Frank Lloyd Wright

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
            -- Henry Kissinger

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences
of what never happened.
            -- Saki

Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.
            -- Orson Welles

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of
his paycheck.
            -- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., "Keep the Faith, Baby!", 1967

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are
laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they
laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
            -- Carl Sagan

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets
after them.
            -- Bill Vaughan

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic
Wins Lottery'?
            -- Jay Leno

If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego.
You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off
from a good deal of experience.
            -- John Cage
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
            -- Woody Allen

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to
annoy for the rest of your life.
            -- Rita Rudner

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up
something and finding something else on the way.
            -- Franklin P. Adams

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
            -- Edward Gibbon
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably
be Labor Day Weekend.
            -- Doug Larson

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
            -- Fran Lebowitz

Pay no attention to what the critics say... Remember, a statue has never been
set up in honor of a critic!
            -- Jean Sibelius, quoted in Bengt de Torne "Sibelius: A Close-Up"
1937

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the
humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with
people--that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart,
but simply revealing their true nature.
            -- James Thurber

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought:
What the hell good would that do?
            -- Ronnie Shakes

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
            -- Pierre Beaumarchais

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
            -- G. K. Chesterton

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
            -- Mickey Friedman

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
            -- Ed Gardner

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
            -- W. C. Fields

Read over your compositions, and wherever you meet with a passage which you
think is particularly fine, strike it out.
            -- Samuel Johnson, from Boswell's Life of Johnson

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to
see the manager."
            -- William S. Burroughs

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
            -- Bertrand Russell

Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any
proof.
            -- Ashley Montague

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to
ram it down their throats.
            -- Howard Aiken
Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always
in vain.
            -- John F. Kennedy

Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the
infinity in which he is engulfed.
            -- Blaise Pascal

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise
forgive but do not forget.
            -- Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) "Personal Conduct"

An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously.
            -- Charles F. Kettering

Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only
thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
            -- Ted Morgan

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
            -- Dick Cavett

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
            -- Frank Zappa

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their
bright ideas closer together.
            -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.
It was here first.
            -- Mark Twain

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
            -- Don Marquis

One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate
charity.
            -- Andrew Carnegie

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek
it elsewhere.
            -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the
word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
            -- Larry Hardiman

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when
you make it again.
            -- Franklin P. Jones

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
            -- B. F. Skinner

Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in
herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.
            -- Charles Mackay

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so
certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
            -- Bertrand Russell

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
            -- Arthur Schopenhauer

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I
myself deny it.
            -- H. L. Mencken

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and
fifty cents for your soul.
            -- Marilyn Monroe

[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the
utterly bewildered.
            -- Al Capp

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have
mediocrity thrust upon them.
            -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"

There are no such things as applied sciences, only applications of science.
            -- Louis Pasteur

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, "I wanna grow up and be a
critic."
            -- Richard Pryor, Guardian Unlimited (UK) August 9, 2004

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn
anything from history.
            -- George Bernard Shaw

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very
comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they
have left things.
            -- Woody Allen

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that
it had merely been detected.
            -- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are
slippery and thought is viscous.
            -- Henry Adams

There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to
contradict other philosophers.
            -- William James

I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position.
            -- Pat Conroy

A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world.
            -- John le Carre

It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally
affirmative.
            -- John Burroughs